It's a lucky day to be alive.
I am going to eat cup noodles until I cannot eat noodles anymore.
I boil the water in my kettle.
I pour just enough to cover the noodles and seasoning. I added too much for this cup.
I will let it sit for 15 minutes.
once its done I mix it up and eat it and it feels so good, the noodles filling my mouth all the way.
I cant wait. 8 minutes and 41 seconds left.
I am an empath with a scathing temper.
I care deeply for the hearts of the people, as they pass through my fleeting life.
I cry so easily. From love. From pain. From joy. From gratitude.
My higher being, my God, my Alien, my Savior.
Please forgive me. Please bless those I have hurt or caused pain.
That’s the move for me.
Might cast a spell.
The withdrawals are so much better today.
I am eating again.
I do see the light peaking through the clouds. I am a seed in the dirt waiting to break through and grow.
Modern, social media witchcraft has led many baby witches to doing a fiery romantic cord cutting spell involving candles and fire.
Today, I learned about a real cord cutting spell and did one for myself. Now I will share how:
1.) Take an item that is essentially “them.” Take an item which is essentially “you.” For this, I used a gift that I loved dearly, but which was from “them.”
2.) Tie the two items together using a string or a cord. The items represent the bond. The cord is up next.
3.) When you are ready, put all of your energy into that cord. The two items should probably rest on a flat surface while you hold the cord.
4.) Again, when you are ready, you cut the cord.
5.) Make sure the person is blocked on everything, and that all their shit has been removed from your presence.
6.) If anyone brings them up, ignore it. If they won’t let it go, remove yourself from the situation.
Enjoy!
I woke up feeling okay today despite being hungover, with a rotten gut & stale alcohol seeping out of my pores.
I was supposed to get more xanax today, but have changed my mind.
I am never happy with them, anyways. What’s the point?
I haven’t heard from Matthew or Joe.
Joe, in his own mysterious way, seems to have some kind of pattern of his own. He seems to know me better than I know myself somehow. Which makes zero sense.
He said there’s nothing he is afraid to ask me. I wouldn’t lie to Joe. And I am firm in my belief that I do not owe a new love interest my life story. Nor does a new love interest need to hear about my pathetic, agonizing, very recent breakup with an avoidant man.
That’s not lying. I suppose the worst thing I am doing is playing the game the way I perceive myself to be played.
Joe also wants to make sure that we are on the same page physically, not just romantically. Overall I did feel a pressure.
I canceled our date to be with family instead.
It’s a good thing, there has been a lot of growth in me. You see, I am a recovering sex addict. Like, not just a horny lady but a full blown addict – kinda like what you might read about in a Chuck Palahniuk book. (He is a shock author.)
Joe has been one of the only men I’ve felt comfortable and safe getting to know without feeling this odd need to provide “duty sex,” which is undoubtedly part of my sex addiction ritual.
He seems, on a vibrational level (meaning I am assuming. My therapist used to repeatedly ask me not to do it but-) unhappy about that.
He seems generally eager to get the ball rolling. He offered me a great life, 100% love, and all I have to do in return is love him and be fully 100% honest and his.
Now how the fuck did he guess I am neither his nor honest? Plus it’s just too early for him to ask that of me. Unless he’s ready to open up a sour can of worms – and watch me cry over another man.
Does Joe have a pattern too? Just like I have a pattern of falling madly in love with avoidant men. He may have a habit of pursuing emotionally unavailable women, and he already assumes I come with some old, dead barnacles that need to be shived off.
Maybe he has proposed this beautiful arrangement to women before me, and is growing impatient with all of them. He has great taste though, clearly.
But a friend of mine, a very dear friend and someone close to me, reminded me that I don’t need to give in to the pressure. I am grateful that he took the time to strengthen that within me. It led me to following my heart and canceling the date.
Joe, Matthew, anyone who may know me that is reading. I really am an open book.
I’m just an alien that appeared here one day, with zero clue of what is going on.
To my friend, who will read this, I love you very much. Thank you for being the hero and the real man I needed in a sea of algae, weeds, and flounders.
I googled it and apparently there is a neurological disorder which can cause uncontrollable crying and laughter.
I probably don’t have that. I am in love with my ex, a fearful/disorganized avoidant.
I cry everyday.
I self medicated with drugs.
Here are some memes I found while crying and looking for comfort in Avoidant partner spaces…..
Enjoying the moment.
Taking some pills.
THC concentrates.
I am artificially filled with peace, joy, wonder, and well being.
Choosing me.
Choosing myself is how I will move on.
I will choose myself every single day.
I pray that God takes my hands when I am too weak to make a fist. I pray that God holds me up when I’m circling the drain….
I keep making myself sick with drugs.
My blog is a bit controversial for many reasons.
I get the little bubble that says someone viewed or liked – I figured I should give insight to why I am in such a detrimental state of mind…..
About 2 years ago, I was cheated on. My world crashed. I wanted to hang myself – I felt that alone.
During this time, I experienced unrelated emotional abuse and domestic violence nearly every day. Before work, sometimes during, and after work.
My managers began the paper trail, so they could protect themselves once my insanity inevitably lost me my job. The best job I have ever had.
Final thread that untied my brain – I met a guy, briefly dated him, then he began to stalk me compulsively. He knew my schedule, and would make appearances right on time to see me driving home.
Being stalked was crippling. I was emotionally destitute. I remember one day I spent it sitting in one single spot, barely moving. Until daylight became night. I never once moved to turn a light on.
The domestic violence at home continued. It peaked and peaked over and over.
I became so mentally unwell that I got myself fired.
They denied me unemployment….
I made a wish, convinced I was going to be murdered by my stalker – that I’d find my soulmate first.
My wish seemed to come true. I met Matthew.
We fell in love. Then it all burned down.
Recently, the clinic I can “afford” removed their psychiatry services, so I will be off medication.
I am not going to hurt myself…. I know everyone in life has their problems and mine aren’t special.
But this is how I ended up so absolutely broken.
Maybe I earned the bad karma somehow. If that is the case, so be it. I will continue to try my best to correct this bad luck, or bad karma….
Baked Witch 